What I want ????????

Today I confessed my predicament to my best friend. Was I honest ? Did I tell her the whole thing ? I know the truth. How much of it was true ? Is this my imagination ? I was alone with the demons. I did not talk. But I am aware of demons rising in my mind. Ignored. Then composed, calm and tried to be normal. I do not know what I want. Why am I so guilty of nothing ? I want this phase to pass. May I come out with colors.

Drifting thoughts

I think I am going through the same old phase. My mind is spinning out of control. I hate this because it is very difficult to get out of this. I have been through this status earlier also. It took me many months to come out of this. I wanted to share something with my best friend . But I came to know that she is estranged from her spouse and moved out with kids. So there is no point speaking with her regarding this. It is no celebration. I want to escape. I am trying to conceal everything from every one including myself. I am in denial mode. I may fall sick.

Package people

Some how these days I feel that I am living a fake life. I know, I cannot stand this. I feel I am a misfit in the world of presentations. Yes, Presentations, present the shit in glorified manner. Is n't there a normal world, normal life. Is it essential that a person's worth is with the package he is drawing, the post he is holding. I am also getting suck into this. I want to break free. I don't know whether I am correct or is it my insecurities, my incapabilities that are making me feel like this.

when the joy rains!!!!!!!!

It was a cool breezy day. It rained droplets of pearls. I was lost in beautiful thoughts which have no face and no name. I love the wind touching my skin. It is giving me back my childhood memories back. I am going back home. The roads are drenched in rain. CP is washed out. Its beautiful to see this image. I felt good. I wanted the things to remain the same. I love this feeling.

बारिश में भीगती हुई यह सरक
भीगते भागते लोग
धूलि हुई हरियाली
बादलों का काफिला
बचपन की यादें
खुशियाँ और गम
आँखों में आंसू
झूमता हुआ मन
मैं राहगीर हूँ इस पल की
थम न जाए यह पल

Weekend

Weekend ends breezily whereas the whole week lasts long. I love my office as I love my home. But I wish my residence and my workplace are nearby so that I can spend more time with my family. Alas, things cannot go your way.

wanted to catch up a movie but my sis and my son didn't let me go. I caught a quick nap at her place. In the evening it rained and the weather became very pleasant. I love to be this way forever. But there is one thing I don't understand about myself. It is silence that engulfs me without reason. I don't know the reason. May be I am broody or is it my BPD. I am on medication and can see the improvement.

Kal ho na Ho!

For last few days I have going thru some very heavy moments in life. They drained me a lot. But that brought a new person in me. I never knew I would react to situations like that. When I see things around me I think I should live this day as it is. Kal ho na Ho. May be these things will not be there after a while. The thought is gloomy. I love the secure cocoon of my family. I hope there will be no alterations in that. I love being in this world this way.