adieu !

 ...........there are times when you cannot say every thing in words.  You simply cannot tell.  There are so many things that I want to say.  But I cannot.  That may put me in some weird position.  I may lose out on my beautiful relationships that I built over time.  Its going to be tough this time.  If destined,  ............I am feeling very low now.  Probably this is right decision I took considering the way things are moving.............. 


I am signing off with very heavy heart. good bye my dear friend.  We will never be together again.

Long weekend

After a very hard fortnight, I got to have a long weekend of 3 days off.  But Vijay is not home. Sis dropped in with kids yesterday.  It was fun with kids at home. Their games, their fights, watching them growing its all so good but at times demanding also.  You just cannot stop them from fighting over silly things. Vijay called few minutes back and said he is coming back in a while.  Thank God.  It would have been difficult without him tonight and tomorrow.  My Ani feels very sad without him.  He missed him so much on Friday, he arranged few pillows and covered it with a blanket and said " mamma, it is daddy.  Now I won't miss him."  It was really touching.  I don't know why am so attached to him.  He is so embedded in my life, he is like my breath and the bonding I have with him subconsciously developed over years.  He is my anchor and mentor.  Is it real or a facade.  Is there something beyond all this ?  Is it some social norm that I need to confirm to ?   I don't know. 

Good bye 2010!

Finally its time to say good bye to an eventful year.  It has been great.  Love all the experiences I went through. Met wonderful people.  I wish it would have been perfect, if  Vijay could be a bit nice to me.  I think I lost him. I  want him back.  But I think its not possible.  Next year, I don't know, what's in store for me.  I want to be strong. Want to be best Mom, Best daughter and Sister.  Wife part is over.  I broke good number of relationships in last few days.  Its been painful.  But I wish I compensate it with some meaningful things,by making myself more responsible, agile and understanding. There is only one thing I care about. I don't want Ani to missout on his father. I will always love you.  You will never understand me.
Coming to friends, I am going away from all of them. Mentally I am not able to associate with any one.  I want to be the best worker and best Mother.   Love you my little child. I am missing you too.  Lets meet tomorrow in New year in New Day light.

Love, Life and bunch of lies !!!!!!!!

These triple Ls are truth of life.  Love let u sail in the waters of life.  It guides you.  Life is hard rock. You need to mend it the way you want.  Last one is Lies.  It is essence of life.  To survive Lie.  Lie to yourself that you are wanted and you make positive difference to their lives.  It lets you live happily.
Am I sounding low ?????????????   Yes, I am.  Things are not right with me.  I want to come out of it.  I don't know how.

Down & out

The winter blues are back.  I get so tired and angry all the time.  There is some frustration which I cannot vent at any one.  I think I m getting raw deal.  Some times I feel am I being too honest with what I do and bearing the load of thankfulness and crushing myself underneath.  Some times I feel, I should come out of the closet and pour.  May be that will relieve me.  There is some strange thing.  I m being consumed in my jealousy.  I should not get affected by it.  But I am.  So what do I do now.  Shall I go back and bang or burn myself in my anger ?

catch me if you can !

I am on my roller coaster dream journey.   ...................................... I felt so good.  I don't know, how to react. But I am surprised at my own happiness.  I love the concern for me.  I got it. .........................  But after a while it was ..................... I did not know what to say.  Things changed now.  I candidly admitted............ I felt .......................  I am really feeling good.  The thought of being ........................  I hope I get to....................  Because.............

I love this hide and seek. 




See if some one can decipher this !

yippee! I'm taking off tomorrow!

    I am too tired.  This reporting stuff makes hell out of my office.  My head was reeling and I want to throw that thing away from my laptop.  Blood MB.  He sounded as if I am some moron.  Actually I feel he is biggest son of a donkey.  Does n't understand a thing.  Gosh!.  I applied for leave .Boss is ok with it.  So I 'll be spending some quality time with my little sonny.  He may not like it.  These days that little monster of mine says, Momma why don't you go to office.  Am I becoming too pricky ?  Naah!