Good bye 2010!

Finally its time to say good bye to an eventful year.  It has been great.  Love all the experiences I went through. Met wonderful people.  I wish it would have been perfect, if  Vijay could be a bit nice to me.  I think I lost him. I  want him back.  But I think its not possible.  Next year, I don't know, what's in store for me.  I want to be strong. Want to be best Mom, Best daughter and Sister.  Wife part is over.  I broke good number of relationships in last few days.  Its been painful.  But I wish I compensate it with some meaningful things,by making myself more responsible, agile and understanding. There is only one thing I care about. I don't want Ani to missout on his father. I will always love you.  You will never understand me.
Coming to friends, I am going away from all of them. Mentally I am not able to associate with any one.  I want to be the best worker and best Mother.   Love you my little child. I am missing you too.  Lets meet tomorrow in New year in New Day light.

Love, Life and bunch of lies !!!!!!!!

These triple Ls are truth of life.  Love let u sail in the waters of life.  It guides you.  Life is hard rock. You need to mend it the way you want.  Last one is Lies.  It is essence of life.  To survive Lie.  Lie to yourself that you are wanted and you make positive difference to their lives.  It lets you live happily.
Am I sounding low ?????????????   Yes, I am.  Things are not right with me.  I want to come out of it.  I don't know how.

Down & out

The winter blues are back.  I get so tired and angry all the time.  There is some frustration which I cannot vent at any one.  I think I m getting raw deal.  Some times I feel am I being too honest with what I do and bearing the load of thankfulness and crushing myself underneath.  Some times I feel, I should come out of the closet and pour.  May be that will relieve me.  There is some strange thing.  I m being consumed in my jealousy.  I should not get affected by it.  But I am.  So what do I do now.  Shall I go back and bang or burn myself in my anger ?

catch me if you can !

I am on my roller coaster dream journey.   ...................................... I felt so good.  I don't know, how to react. But I am surprised at my own happiness.  I love the concern for me.  I got it. .........................  But after a while it was ..................... I did not know what to say.  Things changed now.  I candidly admitted............ I felt .......................  I am really feeling good.  The thought of being ........................  I hope I get to....................  Because.............

I love this hide and seek. 




See if some one can decipher this !

yippee! I'm taking off tomorrow!

    I am too tired.  This reporting stuff makes hell out of my office.  My head was reeling and I want to throw that thing away from my laptop.  Blood MB.  He sounded as if I am some moron.  Actually I feel he is biggest son of a donkey.  Does n't understand a thing.  Gosh!.  I applied for leave .Boss is ok with it.  So I 'll be spending some quality time with my little sonny.  He may not like it.  These days that little monster of mine says, Momma why don't you go to office.  Am I becoming too pricky ?  Naah!

Story Writer

I always love putting my mind in script.  I used to write, draw, paint.  I lost all that during my journey of life.  I left that part of mine somewhere in the struggle for survival.  There is always someone at the back of mind asking me to become the one I am.  An artist.  I  want to put in my mind on paper.  My experiences, my life, my love every thing that I came across.  I want be a writer.  I will be one some day.

Salaam India !

Finally the CWG started. I was afraid of any thing going wrong / Indian pride taking a beating courtesy hundreds of glitches associated with the games.  But thank God. It was so beautiful.  There were tears in my eyes.  I was very happy and moved.  I thank all those who went on to make the ceremony a great event.

All the artists, students who toiled for months to put this beautiful piece together.  All those volunteers and security forces who put their sweat into it.  Finally all those, workers who also put in their blood ( read the labourers who died during the build up to games) and got nothing, not even a decent acknowledgment.  They do deserve a mention.  All that we gave them is we drove them out of city to ensure a picture perfect facade.

Let me bring one thing to note, during my late night sojourn from office I cam across labourers working at late hours on road side for Games projects and surprisingly I found minor children working at those sites.

It is a sin to be born as poor in this country (I am not aware of their stature else where).
Lets learn some thing from South Africa which held FIFA world cup which is the biggest sporting event on planet.  They did it beautifully.  In the end all the labourers were acknowledged of their services and were given tickets to watch football game in those very stadiums which they built.

Here in our country we hardly value a human life, especially a poor one.  So guys if one is poor, they should not expect any thing .

Any way lets all wish a great sporting event. But lets not forget all those who really contributed to this mega event.  Lets not forget who gobbled public money and put country and its people to shame and shambles.

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Jai Hind !

End of journey

Finally the day arrived.  Our cabs were discontinued.  I do not want our group to break.  For over 2 years there were new bonds new relations forged. New friends made. New jokers, new kings, queens and all utter nonsense.  It has come to an end. I think all good things end some day. For me the truth is ---------out of sight-out of mind. The five hours of journey was part of my daily life and it was a stimulant for me to get up and pull myself to work.  I am feeling bad.  Moreover Sachin has also left and few more are in pipe line.  I think I will loose all of them one by one.

Although I dont want to loose out on my happiness with our without my cab pals,  their absence will definitely be remembered for long.

I think its time for me to sing, Mr. Lonely by Akon.  check this one.

Good by friends.

script of life

I live with a baggage of guilt and demons.  I never let them come out.  Surprised ?  No need.  I am little bit crazy and love being like this.  During last 38 years ( of which I remember almost 36 years of experiences) I did every thing that I liked. I don't think there is any thing wrong in it.  It is better to be yourself and go to grave satisfied than let your ghosts roam around.  

I love cartoons!

My average Television spending goes into viewing cartoons which my son indulges in.  Oggy and the Cocroaches is the best one.  Its sheer madness.  Thats a great stress buster. I wish I am oggy.
Some times I want to thank the creators of cartoons.  They are so good.  They transport to you a different world.  I want to become a child again and be there.  

God make me a cartoon character !

Stay'in at home

Its been two days.  I am sitting at home, lazing around.  My tummy is a bit upset, not because of some unhygenic street food, but because of very high hygenic spicy food from an up market snack bar.  Sounds funny ?  May be I am made up for street food from streets only.  This is a lesson for me.  No hygene paranoia for me .

My son loves my being there when he is back from school.  I love that feel too.  But there is office at the back of my mind.  The targets, performance monitors, bull shit blah blah blah.................... I think how can people take a break from career and still make good money and give time to family.  If you come across, let me also know.

One more update------------it was cloudy and rained a bit too.

On a rainy day on Gurgaon road

My daily travels ( read travails) to Gurgaon are things to remember. Every day its a new experience.  It sucks but at the same time I enjoy it too.  If I don't I will never be able to spend 5 hrs of travelling daily.  So, guys, what it looks like when it rains ?  Lovely, because I love rains.  The toll way, the buildings, everything look so seductive.  I have this gut feeling of getting down in the middle of the express way and stand in rain.  Although its quite wretched to get stuck in unending traffic jams.  

I am looking forward to another bout of rainy season in my 3rd year as a daily commuter.